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How to sack your house help in seven easy steps.

house help3One of the few things you might not know about me is that I stopped employing house helps a long time again, and perhaps something even funnier about me is the reason why; it is because they never look happy no matter what you do for them, a friend of mine wanted to know why I look at their faces to check wether they were happy or not, she said they do not need to be happy as long as each party fulfils her own part of the contract. But I want to be surrounded by happy people so coupled with some other reasons, I just decided to do without them completely so I would not have to always be checking their faces all the time.

From what is going on in the world right now generally I am of the opinion that the time for everyone to consider giving them up is now and this is because of the following reasons:

  1. Chances are that you are human just like me and so might not be able to treat them the way you would  treat your own child at least not a hundred percent , and if you can’t, they know and it is your child that will bear the brunt when you are not around.
  2. They more than likely do not want to work for you, it’s because they do not have a say in the matter, they do not have any love for you and your child so do not expect them to treat your children with love especially when you are not there.
  3. They are little more than children themselves and so the burden you might want to pile on top of them might be far too much than they can bear.
  4. Because of their past experiences and exposures in their life jouirney before they came to meet you, such as child abuse including sexual molestations, you would be exposing your child to all sorts of risks and experiments, so many children’s destinies have been rewritten because of ordeal they went through in the hands of house helps and relatives.
  5.  Except you are resolute and determined, your child would be robbed of the opportunity to get the training and life skills they require to be independent and responsible adults.
  6. Modern day vices like kidnapping, robbery etc are issues that are serious enough to deter any sensible and responsible parent from the use of house helps.
  7. You can do without them, it’s just that you do not know yet.

Now before you start lampooning me and wondering if I think I am a superwoman because I claim that you can do without them,well yes I am a superwoman, and if you like, I will share some of the secrets behind my superwomanness with you. This is how to do away with your house help in seven easy steps.

  1. For those of us who are working mothers with toddlers and babies, please look for a reputable creche or a daycare centre. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
  2. Get a cleaner that will come at least once a week on weekends or anytime convenient for you, to do the general and thorough cleaning of the whole house.
  3. 3. On the remaining days you and your team,

    You and your team

    your children do your best to clean after yourselves as you go about your daily living, I insist on my children tidying their own rooms and washing their bathrooms. If you have younger children, then that means the less cleaning you have to do. If they are old enough to dirty a bathroom, they are old enough to wash it.

  4. You know that thing called washing machine? Get one, it will do your laundry as often as you want just the way you want them washed, and it will never hiss at you, neither will it eye you up or down nor steal Oga’s favourite meat in your pot of soup, and you would not need to check whether it is happy or not either.
  5. Whilst you are at it, if you want to be an extra super superwoman like me,  get a clothes dryer, you wouldn’t need to use the clothes line for like a month if you dont want to because that too is a chore
    hate holiday

    Naijamum, before I got a dryer

    on it’s own.

  6. Now if you live alone in your premises, you know those automatic gates dem, with remote control? get one, apart from the fact that it enhances security,you will save your self the expense of an average of 30K salary for a security guard, you will not need to get an house help solely because you need someone to open and close the gates after you, you will be able to do that at the touch of a button.
  7. Now to cooking, shop in bulk if you can, boil you meat in bulk and sort them into plastic bowls accorddng to types, like saki separate, ese eran separte, abodi separate, ara eran separate, so when you need to cook, you will just pick and mix, do like wise with pepper, clean, sort and pack into required size before freezing and whip out your blender just when you need to cook something nice and fresh.

Now you might be wondering how you can afford this? An average house help in Nigeria now costs between 20K to 30K, sometimes even 50K, you are charged according to how desperate you sound and how serious your situation appears,  that’s a total of 300K per annum,except you want those underage ones that you will bath for along with your children, you are going to feed them, clothe them, and take charge of all the other running costs like top up/credit for their phones, hairdressing for them, medicals, starting with STDs AND HIV test before employment, and nowadays their parents insist that you send them to school (now you see one of the reasons why I say you can’t treat them like your one child? Can you send them to private fee paying schools like the one your child attends?) if they must go to school, when will they have time for the household chores you employed them for in the first place?. You cannot put a cap on the demands from their parents,apart from deposit/down payment to tie down the contract with the lowest amount being about 20K, the list is fast becoming like an Eastern Nigeria bride price list with items like okada for the dad, sewing machine for the mum, work placement and freedom expenses for the siblings, transport fare to ferry them up and down the country for festivals like Christmas, Ileya.

Now be honest with yourself, are you not better off equipping your house with all these appliances that will neither leave you nor forsake you? These gadgets do not have running costs except maybe servicing once in a while and repairs if necessary. These gadgets will not kidnap your children, they will not collude with hardened criminals to rob your house, they will not seduce your husband nor your underaged male children, they will not initiate your children into early sexual exposure. If you are like me, you do not need to lock your bedroom or any room in your house either for that matter, whatever you keep will forever remain where you keep them, whatever secrets in your family remains in your family. You are sure that the only people you let into your house are those you allow in.

If you still need more convincing, you might want to read the following real life story and this and this