1

The cucumber sex video

cucumber-sex-video

Enter a caption

No matter how hard we try, we cannot pretend not to have heard about the cucumber sex video that has been trending on the Nigerian internet scene for about a week now. The first thoughts that came to my mind were how the victim must be feeling, what she must be going through right now, the second thoughts were about the parents, what thoughts must be going through their minds, how they must be coping especially in a society like Nigeria where everybody seems to know everybody else and where there is no hiding place.

My third thoughts was and still is about our own children, especially the girl child, our God-given role as parents to them. Have you had the ‘talk’ yet? Do you constantly have the ‘talk’? Do you seize every opportunity to have the ‘talk’? The ‘talk’ can be about everything and it can be about nothing in particular, it can also sometimes be about one single topic.  No parent is perfect, no parent is a ‘know-it-all’ and there is no single route to good parenting but there are some basic routes to good parenting. If you have not had the ‘talk’ yet, go on then, give it a go, the more you try it, the better and less awkward it becomes. You can start by addressing the safety of children on the internet that is assuming you have already talked about sex and also you have been doing your best to protect them from predators. These few steps might help;

  1. Do away with all forms of shyness where your children are concerned, call all spades spades, not farming equipment
  2.  To avoid any damage,do not leave things too late before you start,  whether you know it or not, they know more than you think they know,  or even more than you know in most cases.
  3. Let your children know that under no circumstances must they send nude images/videos of themselves to any one, not even themselves or you, their parents. I let mine know that they should not even exchange any notes or emails and neither must they allow themselves to be filmed in the nude (this might sound ridiculous because you would expect them to know that already, right? but it’s better to be safe than sorry, so tell them all the same) because once its out of their hands, it’s no more theirs and so not under their control anymore.
  4. Lay out all the likely consequences that might follow if they should do that, give them real life examples, I gave mine (including my eleven year old)a summary of the cucumber sex video and we discussed it at length and I made sure they understood the gist of the matter.
  5. Be involved in the life of your children, do not leave things to chance
  6. Make it a duty to know the kind of company they keep, the kind of friends they have etc
  7. Befriend your children, too much harshness backfires.
  8. It’s okay to trust them but again, if somethings don’t feel right or you have reasons to doubt their stories or movement,  it’s okay to investigate, you are not betraying them, you are safeguarding their future.

Now this is bad news but I can bet you that victim in the said video is not the only person to have gone through such. We must continue to press on, we must refuse to be tired or wary, we must not give up.

Here is wishing us a rewarding, fruitful and happy parenting especially at these end times.

Image source

1

God forbid! It is not my portion! Holy ghost fire! Back to sender! Awusu Bilahi!

whatkindofchildschoolrun

My dear Nigerian mother, I am going to be judging you seriously in this post. Before you accuse me of lack of understanding, I reassure you that I do understand, I know what your problems are.

For example I know you are busy, most of you have to work alongside your husbands for the financial equation of the family to balance.

I know that now more than ever with the modern wave of feminism and all other similar influences via social media, you now feel that you are not solely responsible for the welfare of your child, after all you should claim your equal rights, should n’t you? Coupled with that is the fact that you are both bread winners of the family.

I know that labour is cheap in Nigeria so you can afford to delegate your primary responsibilities to nincompoop that you surround yourself with like drivers, nannies, domestic help etc.(Please pardon the strong langauge)

I know you grapple with so many other important duties like going to early morning church services minimum of three times a week, hallelujah hour, Shiloh hour, and all the other hours, time you wuld have spent on school runs,  evening services, that you ought to supervise your child’s lesson teacher,  midweek services, first Monday of the month service,  and NASFAT events,MSS etc for the Moslems among us,  so where do I expect you to find the time?

I know you have to keep close tabs  on your spouses by checking their phones regular which robs you of the time to check your child’s homework and wellbeing, and you also have to ensure you and your spouse both ride home together so as not to give him breathing space to philander.

Your weekends are also filled up with parties, functions and events due to no fault of yours, after all you were not the one that asked to be invited, you are the soul of parties, they just can’t do without your presence, and after all it is people that will come for your own event too, shebi? Apart from that, your Facebook and instagram pages must be updated with new pictures every weekend. Your fans must not be disappointed ke being a Facebook celebrity that you are.

You also have to keep up with Nollywood movies, and these Nollywood people, they know how to churn out movies, Iroko TV and  Netflix have also been added unto you to compound your problems

Finally I know you are always in denial and if a serious issue concerning your child is staring you in the face, the only action you will take is to chant ‘God forbid’ it is not my portion, I reject it in Jesus name, awusu bilahi or report to your ‘spiritual fathers and go from one night vigil to the other (this night vigil plague has also spread into Islam in case you are wondering) in search of special prayers and deliverance for the child

The image above is very clear it does not need any explanation, it’s been circulated a while ago and when I saw it for the first time, I wept. I felt like strangling those whose carelessness led to it and not the nincompoop, the perpetrator, because come to think of it, it was not really his fault. When I was going through the comments on one of my old posts, I came across a comment; ‘God forbid’ as  if when you warn somebody about an impending danger, you are wishing that such danger happens to the person.

I know what your problems are but I refuse to cut you any slack. We need a total re-orientation and complete overhauling of our upbringing skills. We have to make up our mind on whether we really want children or not and if we do, we should be able to make some sacrifices till they are old enough to protect themselves from predators and also old enough to make informed decisions.

Meanwhile we can start by taking some of the following measures.

Spend quality time with your child, befriend them, the advantages are very many

Contrary to what you may be thinking, God is not vindictive, He will not punish you for missing a few services. He is a fantastic father and the only ministry only you can do is to be a parent to your child, pastors are replaceable,mothers can neither be swapped, nor exchanged. God will understand if you prioritize your child over church activities although Pastors might not tell you this but we all have access to the Bible and each has a personal relationship with God so you can find out by yourself.

Avoid as much as you can, leaving your child in company of drivers and other domestic helps and relatives of the opposite sex and sometimes the same gender. You can consider taking shifts with other parents from your child’s school for joint school runs.

You can  consider a more family friendly occupation or business and even put your career on hold for a while for  the sake of your child.

No calamity will befall you if you miss a few parties, try it and let me know how it goes

Where your child is concerned treat everybody as guilty until proved innocent.

You can thank me for the post instead of accusing me of being unnecessarily paranoid as some other commenters on this blog have.

 

 

2

I choose friendship

Some parents are of the opinion that you should not be friends with your children to enhance your strictness and good parenting. I have always had a divergent opinion and I never fail to express it and explain the reasons why. You can be friends with your children and still be strict and impose boundaries if required. The advantages of friendship far outweigh the disadvantages.
This is what went down in my household on a lazy and beautiful Saturday afternoon. I was out running a few errands, Naijadad was under the tree reading a newspaper and T2 and T3 were indoors generally loafing around and chilling, a team of two plumbers came in for some plumbing works, the oga and the apprentice. Whilst the oga was busy working, the trousers sagging, ear pierced and jerry curled apprentice was going upandan surveying. His object of survey soon became clear, he approached T3, my 11-year-old

t3 she is only eleven

T3, She is only eleven

and asked for her Facebook details. She replied truthfully that she has not got any. He asked for her phone number, she said she has not got one. He now asked her if he could join her on the computer to watch a movie she was watching. She now sensed that something was not right so she promptly got up , called T2, her sister and together they reported the guy to their dad. Listen to the conversation that ensued:
T3 and T2: Daddy , we want to tell you something.
Naijadad: ( Promptly putting down his newspaper ) What is it?
T3: The plumber boy asked for my phone number……..
What happened to the plumber boy is a story for another post.
The message? How many parents are this approachable? How many will not blame the victim ? How many will not even respond and continue reading their yeye newspaper?
The lesson ? Befriend your children , make yourself approachable, pay attention to them, be there for them physically, mentally and not only financially. And please do not hesitate to set boundaries as required.
For those that are still not convinced , I will pray for you. Now repeat after me a hundred times in MFM style: I receive sense, I receive sense, I receive sense….. in Jesus mighty name. Amen.