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Hey you, yes you, your home is not a Christian home and your husband is not a Christian

Please if you are a Christian look away now because this post is not for you.

Now straight to business, I will start by making some points clear,my certificate of Water Baptism (by immersion o, not sprinkling) by The Redeemed Christian Church Of God, is one of my priced possessions, I have taught Sunday School for about a decade now , I graduated from the Redeemed Christian Church of God’s’s School of Disciples,

school of disciples

Me, on my graduation day, School of Disciples.

and as Apostle Paul advised in 1 Corinthians 9:27 “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

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After a Sunday School class on a particular Sunday.

And being a worker in the church for all that time is not beans, neither is it moin-moin, I get to church before 7 am every Sunday after I must have made breakfast ready at home, I attend retreats with biri-biri fasting, chain praying and all the works but I fear that I still might not satisfy some people that I am a Christian and I will tell you why. I have serious difficulty with pretending that all is well and looking the other way when I know that all is indeed not well , I am not a self-righteous Christian and I most likely will never be, see, I find it difficult to judge or to brand people. One of the reasons why I don’t introduce myself as a Christian, or do not announce at first meeting that I am one is that I want people to form an opinion of me first without being biased because of the fact that I am one and also because most Christians are the most pretentious people on the surface of the earth, we are like the proverbial ostrich that buries her head in the sand and  leaves the remaining part of her body out and because she can’t see people, she assumes people can’t see her. Who are we kidding? We are very judgemental and discriminatory even among ourselves, we label and categorise people into who will go to hell, and who will not. If for whatever reasons, a person has problems , it’s either she is a sinner, she is not paying her tithes, her offering is not big enough, she does not sow seeds, she is not broken, she is possessed by demons so  needs deliverance, she is not submissive to the pastors and Church authority or she is not subservient enough, whichever one it is.

 

The Church has failed its people, especially the women, so many homes are going through storms, many women and men are suffering in silence and are refusing to seek for help for fear of being branded as not Christians or that their home is not a Christian home so they do not qualify for God’s blessings and answered prayers.Have some of our leaders forgotten this in the book of  Mathew 15:25-28? When a Canaanite woman came to meet Jesus for her child’s healing ;…26 But Jesus replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” 27“Yes, Lord, she said, “- even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” 28“O woman,” Jesus answered, “your faith is great! Let it be done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

In my last post, I shared about marriage, my own two pence, I was harshly reprimanded, I was told the type of marriage I was referring to was not a Christian marriage, those type of men are not Christians and that I should not share such on a Christian platform. So instead of what I shared, if I have shared a messages such as this

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A message like this would have been fine.

but instead see the type that I like sharing below, am I a good Christian at all?fairygod motherI was told that God is the only authority on marriage, as if I did not know that already ? in fact for the records, God is the only authority on everything, it is only a fool that does not know that. But thank God things are looking up even if slowly; year in year out, RCCG Sunday School manual has a serial of about four lessons on marriage and there is acknowledgement of modern-day occurrences and admonishment concerning them, the manual does not pretend that these problems do not exist , there has also been some policy changes in the Church concerning marriage, for example, introduction of compulsory HIV AIDS test and genotype test for couples intending to get married and they are also encouraged by the Church to have a source of income before considering marriage .

A Christian marriage is not perfect, it is a journey, it is not a destination, there is no one that has arrived there yet, not even the spirit-filled tongue-speaking pastors.Of course there are tenets guiding us, we are not perfect, so a Christian home is not immune to divorce,and to issues such as husband/wife being irresponsible and failing in their God-given duties,  and parenting issues such as sexual abuse, masturbation, , and all modern-day aberrations that plague the world now, so rather than pretend that all is well or gag those that are willing to speak up and seek help, we have to deal with it. I f the Church wants to bury its head in the sand for example, it would not require HIV AIDS test result from intending couples, it would just assume that because they are Christians, they are virgins, after all  the Bible preaches against sex before marriage . By extension, if we are all saints, there should not be divorce amongst us, there should not be single parents among us, there should not be the issue of having children outside wedlock, but my dear reader, cases abound.My local church has even taken a step further to set up the ‘Matured Singles Fellowship’, the multitude that turn up for this fellowship every time shows that it is what the Church has been waiting for.

With the full-blown advent of social media have come freer access to pornography, morals have taken a nose dive, the world has become a global village and all the abominations hitherto unknown by our children and spouses are being repackaged and sold to us, the time not to pretend is now.You can accuse the devil of everything but not stupidity, he is very smart and he is taking advantage of the situation so we have to watch and pray and back it with action . So in Psalm 11.3, the Bible says; “if the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?”

The righteous , you and me, our mummy pastors and daddy pastors can

  1. Be realistic, stop playing church and politics with the life and well-being of fellow Christians, if God places you in position of leadership in church, be firm, follow the Bible in your teaching and also the doctrine of your church but at the same time, be open and receptive, be a serving leader not a holier than thou one.Who knows, their marriage might even be faring better than yours.
  2. Pray, down to earth non discriminatory prayers for everybody, prayer of intercession on each and everyone’s case, your marriage might be perfect and not need prayers but please do pray for others.
  3. Console and comfort those who need it, man and woman shall not live by fasting and prayer alone, they want closure too, they need acknowledgement that they have been wronged, they want  to be told that they do have a problem and it is not their fault and they are not condemned because of that and that in spite of everything Jesus loves them.
  4. Don’t gag them, don’t hush them up, there is healing in letting out, don’t condemn their spouses, but rather condemn the unchristian acts of the erring spouses,don’t instigate them against each other.
  5. Accept the fact that our salvation and by extension our judgement is in God’s hands
  6. Above all lets all hold on to Jesus and share Him together, afterall He is the author and finisher of our faith, Hebrews 12:2, and has called us to come unto Him, all of us that are weak and heavy laden, He has promised that He will give us rest ; Matthew 11:28 and I don’t know about you, that is why I have come.

 

Moin-moin is a local delicacy made from beans, the phrase simply means what being talked about is not an easy task.

Biri-biri is  a three or more days fasting non stop.

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My dear daughter, after you say I do. Still on the Tiwa Savage matter.

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Tiwa Savage on her wedding day.

We have an event centre as one of our family businesses and I was privileged to be the one who jump started it. When we started operating, it was and still is a favourite of young people tieing the knots . One observation that I made was that the couple and their parents and even extended family members would not leave a single grain of sand unturned to make the wedding day a memorable one. If only half of the  preparation made for weddings is made for the marriage itself, there would be a drastic decline in divorce rate in Nigeria.

I have decided to look at the Tiwa Savage-Tunji Balogun brouhaha from another angle and have come up with a little advice for our daughters. This post is for women that have said ‘I do’ already without thinking things through So women,have you taken the that almighty step, it’s alright, all is not lost, there are a few important things you must bear in mind.

  1. Brace yourself to the fact that you will have to give your husband unconditional love, are you ready to love him first before he will learn to give such love back?
  2. There is every likelihood that he will not be 100% faithful to you 100% of the time, he will most likely cheat on you, sometimes over and over again and this a fact backed by reality and statistics, you will have to learn how to handle it without losing your dignity and your emotional balance in the process, are you ready?
  3. If you say God sees you, please let human beings see you too, human beings are not psychic, and neither are they omnipresent or omniscience, so if you say you are going to Sokoto, don’t be found in Ikorodu unless you have made your unplanned detour known before hand. Do not be caught in any uncompromising situations at all costs
  4. Women are the stronger sex, let that be at the front of your mind, it has since been discovered that the belief that women are the weaker sex is very far from the truth. So you are going to have to be strong, especially emotionally.
  5. Men are very childish and hardly ever grow up especially when their parents have done bad job of bringing them up. So this the time to pump up your tolerance level and your forgiving and overlooking spirit.
  6. You will have to learn if you don’t know it already, how to have your husband’s back at all times, even when he does not seem to have yours, note that I do not say you cannot have a dissenting opinion, keep those opinions till when you are alone to together and see if he will not learn to do the same.
  7. It is okay to have a few friends (tried and tested) that you can unburden to heart to if need be.
  8. Get a hobby, or anything you enjoy doing outside work and vocation, because you are going to have a lot of time on your hands, your friends will dwindle and your husbands friends will multiply, he will go out more, work functions, family functions, clubbing, mainly without you, business trips etc, made up trips etc.
  9. You will have to be emotionally balanced and stable because while your husband is the head, you are the neck of the family, you are the pillar on which everything rests so.
  10. The first few years of marriage will most likely be very stormy and critical, because your husband does not know he is married yet, his extended family does not know he is married yet, his single friends do not know he is married yet, his ex girlfriends do not want to acknowledge that he is married yet, it will take some time, ranging from 3 to 5 years before it dawns on him and all of them so you have to wait it out and lead by example.
  11.  Your daily routine will be altered, your personality will be altered beyond recognition some times, your appearance will also be altered, it is a life changing experience if ever there was one, the early years is the time to lay the foundation of what will work, what is acceptable and what is not, it is time to have a middle ground for both of you, any ground or negotiation you lose now will most likely be for ever. So whatever you deem unacceptable by you quickly lay it down.
  12. The grass although might appear greener on the other side, it is actually not so do not compare your husband with any one elses, not even your father at least not vocally, you can do so in your mind, help improve your husband’s shortcomings, those ‘perfect’ men you see are some other women’s years of hard labour, so do yours.
  13. Under no circumstances lose your financial power, it is your bargaining power, your children, your husband and even your in-laws grudgingly respect you for this even if they don’t show it, and apart from that you never know when you might need it so even if the housekeeping allowance from your husband is more than your salary, do not stop working.
  14. Are you the breadwinner? Ok, it is not peculiar to you, note that more than 50% of Nigerian homes is funded and ran by the women and it is not a new occurrence either.Work with your husband to improve things and get him to a more empowered situation.
  15. Note that finally marriage is not a do-or-die affair, if you have done your best, you have done enough, God might hate divorce, He does not hate you, do not keep quiet and endure domestic violence or abuse , speak up, move out if you have to but do not adopt the Tiwa Savage’s style, do not address a press conference, no matter what your husband has said about you, no matter how serious the allegations might be, do not go to the market place with your family secrets, it is the height of immaturity,  it will not yield any good result, and you do not need anybody’s sympathy whether you are a celebrity or not, it’s your life, you do not owe anybody any explanation, except for maybe a few,  like your parents, your children and a few valued people in your life.